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Recommendation | Miss Manners: I invited a colleague to my marriage ceremony. Then they acquired fired.

Recommendation | Miss Manners: I invited a colleague to my marriage ceremony. Then they acquired fired.


Expensive Miss Manners: Some months in the past, we invited my colleague X to our marriage ceremony. I’ve by no means been very shut with X, however a number of others at my job are, so X acquired an invitation. That was our first mistake.

Since that point, X had an altercation on the job that resulted in termination. Being very vocal and dramatic, X is now taking authorized motion. Nobody at work, least of all myself, supported X’s place. Now, a number of friends have expressed discomfort at attending my marriage ceremony if X shall be current, and they’re contemplating backing out.

It appears I’ve three choices to keep away from drama — at the very least on the marriage ceremony. 1. Uninvite X, although I see no means that etiquette supplies for this; 2. Ship X a well mannered missive permitting a swish exit, with maybe a veiled warning about matters to be averted ought to X nonetheless resolve to attend; and three. Place X at a desk distant from anybody from the office and hope for the very best. Ideas?

Choice 3. And Miss Manners suggests the youngsters’s desk, the place X’s drama and potential altercations shall be met in sort.

Expensive Miss Manners: We had been invited to a celebration personally over the cellphone, then we had been informed to not come by the identical particular person (once more over the cellphone).

Is that this ever okay? No, nothing nefarious occurred between these cellphone calls.

Did one thing nefarious occur to the hosts? This could be the one well mannered purpose for canceling on you: in the event that they had been unable to carry the celebration in any respect.

A second clarification is perhaps a change of their necessities for admittance. New coronavirus variants or security suggestions may trigger them to disinvite friends who don’t meet the factors.

Both means, it must be clearly, politely and equitably communicated.

Don’t, Miss Manners warns, confuse this with the rule about friends not needing an excuse for declining invites upfront. Hosts are definitely required to present one for rescinding after the actual fact — and a superb one, at that.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by way of Saturday on You may ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, You can too comply with her @RealMissManners.



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